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- happyhealthycook said:I’m pulling for you. You can beat this damaging cycle for good. *Hug*
- themotherrunner said:xoxo
- laciedank likes this
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- mantarei87 said:thanks for your honesty, celeste. we’re all here for you - to support and help and listen.
- mantarei87 likes this
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- maryfreakingsunshine said:I think it’s all one big learning experience! It’s goin to take time to get it right and there WILL be mistakes on the way there.
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- notesontheheavy said:Love you, C. Whenever you want/need to talk, you know I’m here.
- snapthistiger said:i will pray for you…
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- liftingbeerandliz said:You are SO strong, and you will come out of this on top! I just know it.
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- angeldrinkstea said:Well, if it helps — if anything at all could “help” — I feel for you. And I’m rooting for you. <3
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- celestegivesup posted this
Feeling sorry for myself.
I'm Celeste, a magazine editor living in Phoenix.
Get ready for a lot of fitness, a lot of sass and a lot of froyo.
Disclaimer: This started as a post of July goals, and turned into a confessional. Sorry.
The past two months have been a whirlwind of stress, “exceptions” and poor choices. I’ve slipped back into unhealthy thoughts and habits.
I also weigh more than I have in years. In fact, I’m back at my blog’s SW, bouncing between 127 and 130.
I’m 5’8”. I recognize that this is a totally healthy weight for me. But in August/September, I was around 113/4. I also recognize that that is totally not a healthy weight for me. I don’t want to be back there. But it’s really, really scary knowing that I’ve packed on around 15 pounds in such a short amount of time (I was at 121 in the first week of May). That is a testament to some really unhealthy (both physically and mentally) habits I’ve “rediscovered.”
For those of you who have followed my blog for a bit, it’s not a secret that I have some issues with eating. I haven’t written about this since I’ve been back—mostly because I keep trying to pretend that it’ll go away. It isn’t, and it won’t. In fact, it’s getting worse.
It is really hard for me to know that I have regressed. I worked so. fucking. hard. And in a matter of months, I (feel like I) undid “everything.” I ate my feelings. I punished with food. I self-sabotaged. I guilt tripped. Etc. Etc. Etc.
In my heart—and my head—I know I should cut myself some slack.
I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis—halting exercise and crippling me, mentally. I went nearly a year with a neuroma before finally having surgery, putting me in a boot for two months. I started a new job. I bought a house. I mourned the loss of my grandmother.
But at what point do these become excuses? Excuses to binge, excuses to punish, excuses to forget who I worked so hard to become.
This cycle needs to end. Now. I am so, so tired of beating myself up.