CELESTE GIVES UP

Currently occupied by a 30-something, ghetto bro in Js and a do-rag watching Dragon Ball Z.

Can’t stop laughing.

I’m pretty sure the guy behind me is growling.

At least two dozen bros surround me.

(And I guess I can’t forget the Suns dancers in the fitness room.)

Now I know why all the bros are here on Saturday night.

Listening to a bro trying to whistle along … two seconds behind and wildly off-key.

The bro next to me on the elliptical is watching football.

But he can’t keep his eyes off of my … TV. Playing Paula Deen.

Just changed the channel. Sorry I’m not sorry, bro.

I’m pretty sure this old bro next to me is trying to do burpees.

But it mostly looks like he’s humping the ground. And grunting. A lot.

Edit: Oh. My. God. Now he’s singing along to Britney Spears. Hahahahaha.

I just caught glimpse of myself spinning in the mirror.

Damn! When did I get such nice legs?

I wish I could hire a bro to take a photo for me.

Bro sits on a recumbent bike near me. Takes out his cell phone. Talks about his fantasy football team for 20 minutes.

As if I need more reasons to hate bros and football.

Dear misplaced butterfly stretcher,

There is a designated stretching area. That area is not directly beneath me as I do leg lifts on the captain’s chair. I know my ass fat is enchanting, but please fly away.

Sincerely,

GB

Dear pull up conductor bro,

I don’t think you quite understand the assisted pull up machine. The more weight you have, the less resistance you receive.

You probably shouldn’t be using the machine with the highest amount of weight. You’re basically just taking a ride on the Pull Up Express. And it’s a loud as hell ride with those clanking plates.

Please exit the train immediately.

Sincerely,

GB

Fact: Personal trainers exclusively drink energy drinks and protein shakes.

Dear middle-aged business bro,

Do you really need sets of 10, 12.5, 15, 17.5 AND 20 dumbbells?

Sincerely,
Weightless and waiting Gym B